This week I found myself overwhelmed with the cares of life. I consider myself to be pretty resilient, and I tend to keep my emotions inside and very rarely do I express how I truly feel about personal situations. This week, however, I began to feel as if the majority of my days and weeks are being consumed with helping others. As a Christian, I do understand and believe that I should be available to those in need, but have you ever stopped to think if anyone ever actually cares about your own well being and mental stability? I generally don’t, but this week I stopped and realized that my plate is overflowing with helping others achieve their own tasks.
The cares of this life are innumerable and all of us have lists of things to do and accomplish within certain time frames. If we’re not careful, however, we can end up feeling emotionally destitute and lonely and end up in a bitter state. I don’t believe that we are to feel happy and exuberant at all times, but I do believe that we should always take time out to reflect on our own lives and implement changes in order to become better individuals.
I know that the majority of my alleged woes would end if I simply learn to say, “No.” I cannot do everything and be apart of every group or committee. This year one of my New Year’s resolutions was to say, “No” more often, and I’ve only said it three times!
In order to say no I need to learn to
a) Be firm and not defensive for my choice.
b) Be honest about my schedule and time limits.
c) Be willing to negotiate.
The benefits
a) Stress levels are reduced
b) Boundaries are set
c) Assert power of choice
Thankfully, when I am overwhelmed, scriptures like the one below allow me to place everything in perspective.
When I called, You answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. (Psalm 138:3)
My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)
Is it easy for you to say no, or is it something you tend to struggle with?
Yay for the non-fashion related post! I just did one myself. I took a class on biblical time management, and I learned a lot of things from it. One of those things was “saying NO”, and you are quite right about those reasons.
LOL Yes, I figured it was about time to devote some time to a post unrelated to fashion. It’s always good to let readers know that you’re not one sided. I’d love to hear more about your biblical time management class. Thanks for commenting, Rachel!!
Chandra
It is definitely not easy for me to say no. I struggle with this more than I struggle with anything else. I try to help too many people, causes, projects, and I end up a shell of myself: exhausted, emotional and unfulfilled. That was also one of my goals this year (to say no) and I haven’t succeeded. Hopefully, I’ll eventually learn. I have gotten better at taking a little bit of time for me, which is necessary to my mental well-being, but that’s also something I’ll have to continue to work on. It’s always quite the realization when you’re swamped with no hope of clawing out quickly…hopefully both of us will get to the point where we can say NO and not feel guilty.
Maybe I’ll do a post on this. I have so much to say! lol
Chandra, you are so on my street that I might as well invite you in for coffee! I am making the same evaluations and plan to put those things that you named into practice.
I remember hearing somewhere about a time management class where the teacher got a mason jar and started filling it in with big rocks. When he ran out of room, he started filling it with smaller rocks. When he couldn’t fit anymore rocks he started filling it with sand when he couldn’t add anymore sand he added water. When asked what it meant the class guessed that it meant you can always add more. He said that was wrong. In life you need to decide what your big rocks are and fit everything around those. But that you have to remember that you have a finite amount of time. I always think of things in terms of what size rock it is to determine how to fit it into my schedule.
I definitely feel where you’re coming from. I had to learn how to say no. This seems to be something men naturally know how to do, but I know a lot of women who struggle with this.
Sometimes I would say yes to things and people and end up feeling stressed, overwhelmed and even a bit resentful.
But now, before I say yes to anything, I take a moment and ask myself if I’m saying yes out of a feeling of obligation or if it’s a genuine ‘yes.’
“Living Fly on a Dime” took the words right out of my mouth (err, keyboard)! Women tend to be more nurturing, so we have a harder time saying no. I am married to a man who says Yes when he can and No when he can’t with no guilt associated with it. He helps me over my guilt trips!
Wow, this comes at just the right time since I’m finding myself in a potentially stressful situation, because I didn’t say no. Now, I’m dealing with the after effects of my decision, but as Living Fly on a Dime says, you feel stressed and overwhelmed and unfortunately resentful. I’m starting to learn that while trying to please everyone, I’m not pleasing anyone at all.
You know, I’m a very shy and very quiet girl, and I’m also a people pleaser, but when it comes to saying no, I stay on my ground, yes I feel guilty for saying no and sometimes I struggle with feeling like a bad person, but I don’t take it back. I know when it will be too much for me to do and if it takes away time from being with my son or taking care of me(stress) then I say no.
Thanks for your comments.
Saying no is definitely something I have to work on.
Kathy, my father is also like your husband, and other male friends have told me that they have no trouble saying no. One friend scoffed at the very idea of feeling bad for saying no, and reminded me that an apology isn’t necessary.
Salina, I like the analogy that your teacher gave. I think those are words to live by: In life you need to decide what your big rocks are and fit everything around those.
Thanks, everyone!! I appreciate your support.
I used to find it hard to say no to people out of fear of hurting someones feelings or not wanting any one to feel let down by me. It got to the point where i was exhausted mentally more than physically. Then someone encouraged me to just say NO.
It was so hard at first becuase i felt bad and i couldnt help but wonder if the person i said no to was upset with me. Then i started making excuses as to why i was saying no. All of my “NOs” had long explanations attached to them along with several sorrys. Which, left the door open for people to persuade me into doing what ever it is I said no to in the first place. And before i knew it I had fallen back into my old habits of pleasing everyone around me becuase i didnt have the guts simply say NO.
Now i have learned my lesson. When asked to do something that i know i cant commit a 100% to or even if I just dont want to, I always reply with: “I’m sorry i won’t be able to”
Since excercising my right to say No, i havent lost any friends and my family still love me and I dont allow myself to feel bad about it anymore.
It gets more difficult when obligations with your children come into play, but with time, age, and practice it gets easier. I said no to a request to be a chair for a Parent Club fundraiser this week. I told them I was flatterd, thanked them for having the confidence in me that I would do a good job, but it wouldn’t be a good fit for me and my family at this time. I didn’t feel guilty, but proud that I said no.
Hi Chandra!
Thank you for visiting our blog! love yours too, its full of great fashion advise and it has a postive vibe!
Saying NO is never an easy thing to do but it’s how you say it that people can take that NO into a negative thing. I always try to make my No sound as positive as possible if not possible its prob because whatever you asked was out of control.LOL
xoxo
spicycandydc.com