The past two posts have given you all a peek into my organizational journey. It’s fun and scary all at the same time. But, this time around I’d like to briefly show you, or, paint a mental picture of my mind’s journey to being de-cluttered. I’m far from being clutter free, mentally, but I’m worlds away from where I was, thank.goodness.
Certain factors in my life, as a child, had a huge, and negative, impact on me causing there to be a massive delay in me “growing up” (am I getting too personal too soon? I’ll take my chances). As a form of defense, I would keep myself as a child, mentally. I didn’t want to have to confront the issues in my life and the best way to do that was to be small, to be innocent and let someone else do the fighting for me. *sigh* How was I supposed to know the long term effects it would have and how I would have to battle to mature into an adult? But, I can’t change all that. I can change the ‘now’. And I have. See, I pushed memories back, covered it with ‘stuff’ and let it set, I’d shuffle it around and make room for more bad experiences and then leave it. Not once did I go back to address it. Somehow, I hoped it would all go away, if I ignored it long enough. Maybe it would deteriorate? Turn into mental dust? Sound familiar? That’s kind of what I was hoping my sewing closet would do. Just, disappear, or clean itself up.
But, now I’m …uh, smarter, a little more experienced and I don’t let my mental stuff just sit anymore.
One of the scariest things I’ve ever done is face myself. Really face myself. I dug deep and talked about things that happened in my life and I cried and cried and wished I could change it all. I’d never done that before. Thank goodness, my husband is a wonderful best friend and confidant. His love for me didn’t change but for the better, because he could understand me in a way that had, up until that point, been impossible. Some of my idiosyncrasies made more sense to him. Such a relief to be understood, truly.
My journey to becoming mentally clean has been painful, to say the least, but I’m feeling more free than ever.
Join me? Ask yourself probing questions, and answer them truthfully. Cry. Learn. Understand yourself. Nothing wrong with a little vulnerability every now and then.
“The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
― Oscar Wilde
This is something that I have been working on for over the past, hmmm, I’d say year. I’ve learned that the longer you ignore things the worse they become (like, sayyyyy, my disorganized closet!!!). Mentally I’ve had to really pray and really concentrate on being honest with myself. I’m still learning. I’m still growing. I still have a lot to assess and reassess, but at this point I am thankful that I saw/see the need for change and I am proactively working on making sure my mental closet is in tip-top shape.
Yes. It really is SO amazing the feeling of facing yourself and conquering *that* issue. Liberating. The hard part is letting yourself pull back those mental curtains…opening those doors and FINALLY digging in.
This is such a great post. won’t get personal but deff something I needed to read. thanks !
I’m so glad it spoke you