The obvious truth: men and women are different. Night and day. Up and down. Left and right. Every now and then Brandon will question the method to my madness. “What are brooches for? Why did you wear leggings instead of tights?” Months ago he visited me and he forgot his “nice” belt at home. He pulled out his “casual” belt and with a shrug he explained that he would have to wear this canvas-woven-type belt with his nice black suit. I shook my head from left to right and pointed out that the belt did not match. His response, “So? No one will see it.” I was determined to not let him enter church with that belt and went so far as to call my dad and text a friend to see if they could offer up a suitable belt for Brandon to borrow. No luck. The casual belt was worn. Life went on. No big deal.
Brandon happened to like this outfit. ;o)
Women are vocal about what their significant other/husband wear and it seems to be a-ok for a woman to voice her opinion about her husband/boyfriend’s attire. Female counterparts are quick to nitpick, analyze, judge, change, and modify their companion’s wardrobe with the blink of an eye.
What happens when men nitpick? Oh, it’s deemed as unloving, rude, and so-not-nice. Over the summer I bought a stunning (I thought) pair of Jimmy Choo shoes (they were on MAJOR sale and I liked them!) and when I presented them to Brandon he shook his head. I was crushed. I went on for several minutes explaining my purchase, why the shoes were awesome, and how I found them, blah blah blah. He wasn’t convinced. He. Thought. The. Shoes. Were. Ugly.
I wish I could say that I was bold enough to ignore his input and wear the shoes anyway, but they are still sitting in their box–unworn. He didn’t say I shouldn’t or couldn’t wear the shoes, but his opinion of the shoes really did change the way I thought of the shoes. Since we live four hours apart from each other I could wear them when he’s not present, but I am not sure if I will.
There have been times that I’ve picked up the granniest of vintage dresses and Brandon cannot see a diamond in the rough. When I finally wear the item he gives a knowing nod, “Ahhh. I see what you did! Nice!” I guess it depends on the item. If I know that I can modify or make something work for me I can bypass his inquisitive looks; I just can’t understand why the Jimmy Choo shoes thing had SUCH an impact on me!
As a kid I would hear my dad rant and rave about trends he did not like and in an effort to silence him (and show respect) my mom would typically avoid purchasing those items or get rid of the items if she had them.
I was reading D’Rae’s blog post (please keep her in prayer! She is job hunting!) and she mentions that she found out her husband doesn’t like animal print. The cardigan she’s wearing is not an outlandish animal print and so-not-gaudy. D’Rae acknowledged her husband’s opinion and moved on.
Which leads me to today’s questions:
When your husband/boyfriend/fiance doesn’t like your clothing selection, what do you do?
A. avoid wearing the item/items or
B. laugh it off and keep on wearing the item
What clothing items and accessories does your husband/boyfriend NOT like?
Wearing: W.D.N.Y. blazer, Target knit pencil skirt, Target turtleneck, and Rachel Roy Pumps
Thankfully, for me, my husband enjoys what I wear…like everything AND he’s close to verbally opinionless. Rarely does he chime in. I lucked out. Now, when it come sto his clothes he gets weird. I buy everything for him, style it and he’s just the vehicle. Every once in a while he’ll have something to say about what I bought for him and he’ll either outright refuse to wear it (which frustrates me) or he’ll wear it once and then it slowly gets *lost*.
I made the mistake of buying B pointy toe shoes. Yeah, that didn’t work. We do like shopping together and when I buy him things he wears them! I like how your hubby will casually lose things. Hahaha funny!
We compromise. We have similar tastes in clothes and respect each others opinions. The pattern issue, like the animal print I would still wear, but if his reason for not liking something is bc it is unflattering, than I am grateful for his opinion, and he of mine, and we typically take each others advice. I will say though, that involving friends and relatives over minute dressing issues like the belt thing isn’t a very good way to start off an engagement/marriage! Been there done that, and for being married 10 years, we’ve learned it’s better to leave those squabbles respectfully private
It took a lot for me to post this because I typically don’t involve anyone in our relationship. This was months ago (pre engagement), but I understand why youre saying. Thanks!
Oh yeah, not being rude really! I’m so glad you didn’t take it that way. It just made me remember our young love quite well… I still think you should wear those shoes though!
;o) I gotcha. I knew you meant no harm; besides, I’d be silly to get offended! I need all the words of wisdom I can get!
As a general unspoken rule, neither of us comment on the other’s clothing hoices unless we a) really like it or b) really dislike it. We have different styles, and we roll with it. That said, if J said he really disliked something I bought, I wouldn’t wear it. He has never said that, so, if he felt so strongly about it that he actually said that, I would respect that. If he suggests clothes for me…it depends. If it’s something I don’t mind and is just a little out of my comfort zone, I’ll buy it. If I hate it, I’m comfortable saying, “Um, no” and moving on. He does the same for me.
So, we pretty much have veto power, but we rarely use it.
That sounds like a good plan to me. In regards to veto power I think I’ve vetoed his choices WAY more than he has vetoed mine, which is why I don’t understand why I was so “sad” about him not liking my shoes. LOL
(writing this after my comment below) Yes, this is how we operate too.
For the most part, I listen to my husband.
He HATES boots with a passion, so I don’t wear them. But the animal print, I still wear. He may not like it, but it doesn’t bother him like boots do. (does that make sense?)
He is very honest with me if I ask him openly if something looks good. Just the other day I asked him about an oufit and he didn’t like the way it looked together. I took his opinion in stride and changed out the top.
He rarely has anything bad or negative to say, but when he does, it makes me stop and critique the outfit just a bit more. usually he is right when something is off just a little bit.
Yes! While Brandon has never verbally shown disdain for anything I wear, he has shown dislike for things that he’s seen other women wear and I take that into account.
If my husband goes so far as to say that he does not like a clothing item, I will never wear it again, even when he’s not around. It’s finished, period, because I respect his opinion that much. He seldom says anything about clothing, so I listen when he does. He’s my head, and how can I teach young women and girls to listen to their heads, dad’s or husbands, if I don’t. Sometimes it’s painful for a day or two and then I am over it and never think of it again. Good question, Chandra. Hugs, Cindy
I think you hit the nail on the head, Cindy! Thanks!
My boyfriend hates nude pumps for some inexplicable reason. Sadly, nude pumps happen to be my favorite kind of shoe in the world. So I wear them anyway. If my boyfriend could cite some kind of substantial issue against my clothing like immodesty (which is unlikely; I’d be the one who’d notice that lol), then I’d weigh the opinion more heavily. His opinions are just that: opinions. Not commands against wearing said clothing item. That said, I always send him pictures when I’m out shopping for his opinion. I’m less inclined to buy something if he doesn’t like it, but I like to think he doesn’t hold it against me too heavily if I wear some shoes he’s not crazy about.
B has never had any issues as far as modesty is concerned and I can’t even really say that he has complained about anything I’ve ever worn! 99.9% of the time he compliments me on the way that I dress and when he does ask questions it’s simply because, well, women do weird things! He didn’t understand the difference between leggings and tights, so I had to explain. He didn’t understand why I called one accessory a brooch and another similar item a pin. LOL This guy knows his leggings from tights and brooches from pins! He also can explain how sequins are different from glitter. I also think it’s different for those of us with boyfriends because we haven’t tied the knot yet. I respect him and will 100% honor his opinions and concerns once we’re married.
You raised a point that identify with: he doesn’t hold it against you too much IF you go ahead and wear something that you like.
Interesting post indeed! G and I have different taste in clothes and we kinda agree to disagree.He bought me an outfit and some bags just before we were married and I’m sorry, they were just hideous! I really couldn’t bring myself to wear them. He was hurt a bit but from there realised that we just have different tastes.
G is very accommodating of me and doesn’t want to cramp my style – particularly as he knows I find it VERY difficult to find things that fit me (God made my body in a very interesting shape!).
I think I actually have stronger views about some of his clothing – there are these pair of shoes of his, and a suit that I’ve kinda banned him from wearing lol…I care more when we’re going out for formal(ish) things and church.
If something if G had a strong view about what I was wearing, I would definitely change it or if he particularly likes something on me (e.g. polka dots, anything blue, a suit) I would wear it -if it’s not hideous!
Okay. I have banned B from wearing certain things. *hangs head* My views on HIS clothing selection ARE DEFINITELY stronger than his view of MINE. That’s why I just didn’t understand why I was so hurt by his opinion of the shoes I bought! I must have been having a moment. I figure that if I can dish it out I better be able to take it to!
In the long run communication, compromise, and respect are key!
My boyfriend generally likes what I wear. One one occasion he told me that my shoes didn’t match, and I just stared at him. Lol! His one preference on shoes is no platforms, he just doesn’t care for them. I have a couple pairs with a platform, but I don’t wear them often. In the three years we’ve been dating, I think that’s the only thing he’s ever mentioned. I usually ask his opinion when I buy something, but I can’t say that I won’t buy it if he doesn’t approve. And yes, my opinions on his dress are completely different! :p
hahaha Yes, I have no problem asking his opinion on things. While Goodwill hunting I’ll hold up different things and now one of his answer is, “I’m sure you can make it look great.” I take that to mean that in his mind the item is as ugly as sin. Ha!
This is a good post. I am single so I make my own clothing choices. I would like to think that when I am married, I would take my husband’s preferences into consideration. I suspect that you were hurt about the shoes because they were Jimmy Choos. Those shoes are a big deal! I’m sure it’s not every day you find a good deal on top designer footwear. I bet if the shoes were some other brand your fiance’s comments would not have bothered you as much.
My husband usually doesn’t say what clothes of mine me doesn’t like. Unless I flat out ask, I’m usually blown away, our styles are WAYYY different. He hate animal prints, florals, I usually get a little bummed if he doesn’t like them (I want him to think I look cute) But if I love it, I wear it anyways. ha
–heather
@ latterdaystyleblog.blogspot.com