I started MoMoMod back in March of 2010 and I never set out to change readers’ definitions of modesty. Modesty means different things to different people.

I wrote about my personal standards/convictions regarding modesty here, but here’s a brief recap and refresher (it has been awhile):

  1. I am Apostolic Pentecostal. As far as organizations go my church belongs to the United Pentecostal Church International.
  2. I’m pro skirts. Read: I wear skirts only and I don’t wear pants. Until I was about 23 years old I didn’t even wear pajama pants. As a girl my mom and dad did not allow us to wear shorts or pants under our skirts because they figured that by allowing us to wear these articles of clothing under our skirts they were setting us up to be tempted to wear pants/shorts later on in life. Plus, my dad always said, “Don’t sit like a cowboy and you’ll be iight!” I remember being taught early on in life to sit with my legs crossed with my dresses always covering my knees. I was a wild child and my parents had a tough time reminding me to sit “like a lady”; somehow I managed to figure it out by 2nd grade.
  3. Why do I dress modestly? My reasons are both Biblical and personal. I was raised in a pretty conservative Christian home and attended a pretty conservative church. My parents believed what was preached, they had their own personal convictions and standards regarding modesty, and taught my sister and I those same standards. I’m 27 years old now, so I can’t say that I dress modestly because a. my pastor tells me to or b. my parents make me. I dress modestly because I want to look feminine, I want to honor God’s Word, I want to obey what my pastor preaches/has preached, and I have personal convictions that I just cannot ignore.
  4. My own modesty standards: skirts that cover my knees when I sit, sleeves that cover my elbows, higher necklines, minimal slits, no makeup, no fingernail polish, no artificial nails, and up until I got engaged I never wore jewelry (earrings, rings, necklaces). I now own an engagement ring.

I understand that my standards are stricter than most, and that my standards aren’t as strict as others (I wear patterned tights, I wear brooches, I wear glitter flats, I wear prints). I get it. I’m not in the business of preaching what you should and should not wear. I’m not in the business of casting judgment, because oh! I’ve got my own burdens to bear. Why sweep around someone’s front door when I’ve got stinky garbage lying around my own house?

However, there are a few words that bother me and they continue to pop up in the blogosphere (modest fashion blogging has become sort of a thing):

Source

Modest is hottest.

Modest is hot.

Modesty is sexy.

Wait. Stop. Hold up. When did modesty become hot? Sexy?

When I think hot and sexy I think this:

Am I really supposed to think that some girl wearing a knee length denim skirt with leggings, sandals, and 3/4 length tee is…hot? Because it’s not and I don’t.

When I hear guys talk about a girl being hot I pretty much see/realize that they are talking about someone who’s showing their goods for all to see. Unless I missed the worldwide memo, the term hot means someone that looks good enough to have a “good” time with. Ha. Urban Dictionary’s definition is here.

I see what people are trying to do. Let’s make modesty popular! Let’s make it okay for young girls and ladies to think modest clothing is okay! Let’s change the idea that modesty is frumpy! Let’s combine modesty and sexy! You can be both!

  1. Modesty is not popular and it will never be popular. Call me pessimistic but the world is only going to get worse. Here is my biblical proof: Matthew Chapter 24 We live in a world that promotes immodesty. People scoff at the very idea of modesty.
  2. Modest clothing is okay. However, the way I see it personal standards  and convictions regarding modesty must come by way of revelation, prayer, and communication with God. I know there are a few people who dress modestly without any attachment to the Bible, but most people dress modestly out of respect for God. If we want to encourage modesty, encourage Bible reading and prayer.
  3. Dressing modestly doesn’t have to be frumpy; I’m a firm believer in that idea. But why associate modesty with a worldly term? Since we are a chosen generation, I don’t think He called us to be hot. He called us to follow His Word–even when it’s not popular to do so. It’s hard to be a light when you associate with darkness.

Two sides to the coin

You can have your skirt touching the ground, your neckline to your earlobes, and a wicked heart. So you’ve got the look but are you walking the walk? It’s easy to promote modesty in dress because that’s what people see. Misha wrote a blog post with this line: Christians can be some of THE most unscrupulous, immoral, judgmental, nasty, elitist minded, self-righteous people you’ll ever meet. Ha. She’s a Christian. You’ll have to read more of her blog post to see where she’s coming from.

What are your thoughts on the terms modest is hottest and modest is sexy? This video is courtesy of SexyModest.

Watch and let me know what you think.

Brandon and I spent the yesterday/last conevening walking around Downtown Pleasanton/Livermore.
We had a tasting for our wedding food. Get wedding updates on our wedding site/blog
The Leonardos.
I’m wearing Forever 21 skirt $12, Foreign Exchange blouse $8, thrifted Dr. Scholl’s (!!) glitter flats $5.
This post is apart of TMMBlog’s linky party.
 

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54 Responses to Why I Don’t Think Modest is Hottest

  • paulina says:

    FANTASTIC POST Chandra, thank you! I have always hated the “modest is hottest” phrase. It totally defeats the reason for modesty. I believe women can dress beautifully, attractively even, while still looking modest and appropriate…but when people try to combine “sexy” with modesty…it just doesn’t make any sense at all. One or the other people…. make up your minds.

  • Laura K says:

    Great post explaining modesty! I’ve never understood the movement to make modesty sexy, either. The whole point is that it ISN’T.
    Although I don’t belong to a denomination that practices a strict modesty, I do work in ministry, so I always feel the need to be more conservative, yet I work with college students, so I do want to be trendy! I think it shows more creativity to walk that line.

    • Chandra says:

      Exactly. I think what the movement that states Modest is Hottest is attempting to encourage creativity in creating modest outfits, but I think they are going about it all wrong. For PR and marketing purposes I see why they chose the term hottest (rrrrrhyming!). However, I very much disagree.

      Thanks for commenting, Laura!

  • cristal says:

    I think that people should be having a more Proverbs 31 view on Modesty and its “Appeal” instead of associating it with the world trying to make it more palatable for young girls who are being pressured to dress immodestly…
    However the words I associate with modesty and its physical appeal are:
    modesty is regal,
    modesty is gorgeous
    modesty is beautiful, peaceable, loving, patient, long suffering,
    problem is…alot of these young women women dont want to be associated with these Godly characteristics…they dont want to be a ruth, or a lydia, or that proverbs 31…
    so peacable turn to “frumpy”
    and beautiful turns to its (sex saturated unequal) “hot” “sexy”
    …its heart thing..and like you said…it starts with learning the word of God and prayer…Modesty is more than clothing…

    • Chandra says:

      You’re very right. All the words needed to describe what modesty is can be found in the Bible. It requires effort and diligence to find these words, which is why I think some people don’t bother to look. They’d rather use 5 cent words to describe something that is much more valuable and precious.

  • Kendra says:

    Preach, Chandra, PREACH! I agree with you 100% on this issue. I think that’s is something that is trying to creep its way into the lives of many Pentecostal young girls… Modest is hottest! So how much leg can I show, how tight can I make my tops, how high can I make my heels so my hips sway? Modesty was NEVER intended to be something that I intices men or appeals to them sexually! Oh God no! I would never, ever want it to be said of me that I am hot or sexy by anyone else other than my husband. I wasn’t raised in the apostolic church. I was raised a baptist pastor’s daughter.. Our church didn’t have standards of dress. So having been from one extreme to the other, it bothers me to see people trying to associate modesty with worldly terms. It’s disrespectful and shows a lack of understanding. You are right, we have to pray, fast and read Gods word so that a love for truth and holiness gets in our heart. It all starts with our heart..

    • Chandra says:

      Modesty was NEVER intended to be something that I entices men or appeals to them sexually! <—Agree. I know there are some men that are enticed by long skirts; I can’t do anything about that. But I can definitely control my own actions in regards to how I look and being sexymodest is definitely not something I’m trying to achieve.

  • Jillian says:

    Could they be meaning “hot” as – the newest thing, on trend, the thing to do? Just another way to look at it

    • Chandra says:

      I appreciate your perspective. I don’t think modesty should be trendy since trends are ever changing. I’d like to think/hope that someone wouldn’t dress modestly because it’s fashionable and trendy to do so. Thanks, Jillian!

  • Carly says:

    Great thoughts here Chandra-I so respect your value of modesty. As I wrote my blog post “Modesty Is Hot” it was really intended to CHALLENGE what the world considers trendy or hot. Believe me, I do not think that modesty should be a pseudo-sexy. If it is, then we are totally missing the point, ha! My wording using “hot” is not to spur on women to dress sexy or tease any standard but to thoughtfully consider our standards and choices both outward and inward.

    My other thought on this post is how you could partner with the women who also believe modesty is important, whether you agree 100% or not. Since you are all indeed striving towards the same thing-honoring God and dressing with modesty why not go at it together instead of taking the time to write about why they are wrong? The dissension here unsettles me as a new reader. I appreciate your opinion-just a thought that you might be even more influential for the Lord with an attitude of unity!

    • Chandra says:

      Hi, Carly! I think I do a pretty good job now promoting other views on modesty with my modest beauty blog posts, linking up with other bloggers, and adding other bloggers to my blog roll. Also, I’m not saying anyone is wrong. These are my views and my blog. I’m pretty much past the phase of writing in the hopes that everyone will agree and like what I wear and say. Opinions are just that: opinions. People can agree and disagree on many things and I disagree with modesty being sexy or hot.

      Thanks for responding!

  • Miss Kya says:

    Hi new commenter, here (although I stalk this site a bit).

    I think the work that is getting lost here is beautiful. Unfortunately, we’ve confused beauty and sexy and now everyone is confused.

    • Chandra says:

      Another good point, Kya. I think you’ve raised a valid point. Somehow we’ve become confused and we’re using the wrong words. Thank you for commenting!

  • Tiffany says:

    I think I need to start by saying I hold all of the standards listed above
    and have echoed many of the things other commenters have said over the course of my 10 years of being sanctified.

    However, I would like to interject another perspective … I believe ‘sexy’ is not a wordly thing but rather a ‘marriage thing.’ And if we shun the idea of being ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ as something related to the world and sin, we are going to have a lot of young women who are unable to switch that on without guilt once they enter into the confines of marriage. If we don’t embrace our sexiness (within our marriage — as the Lord intended), it can have dire effects on our marriages, families and churches.

    I realize this is a taboo topic but that’s precisely the reason why it is often ignored and not dealt with. I agree that modesty and sexy do not go together – modesty is a public standard and sexiness a private expression — IF you are a MARRIED lady. I would make the distinction and say modesty is needed and mandated for all, just as sexiness within the confines of marriage is honorable and needed as well.

    • Chandra says:

      Yes! I agree with this—> “I agree that modesty and sexy do not go together – modesty is a public standard and sexiness a private expression — IF you are a MARRIED lady.” I have nothing else to even add because you pretty much hit the nail on the head. There is a time to be sexy and I believe that time to be with the one God has prepared/set aside just for you.

  • Misha says:

    I agree, modesty isn’t *sexy* and my definition of being *modest* has most DEFinitely changed since moving back East. I am a firm believer that we shouldn’t look frumpy and we should use modesty to our advantage. There is something mysterious to the woman who carries herself with grace and dresses like.a.lady. People think twice before they address you in a certain fashion. Carry yourself well. Carry yourself proud. Because you ARE modest. Don’t dumb modesty down by not caring about your appearance.
    I love the way you dress, Chandra! Fabulous post.

    • Chandra says:

      Yes, people DO think twice when addressing you if you are wearing modest apparel. I have been in faded jean skirts and a pulled back ponytail and men step aside when I pass, open doors for me, and call me ma’am. It’s funny because men will be with other women and somehow they feel the need to correct their actions in my presence. At first I thought it was odd, but now I am proud (not haughty or conceited) to know that my choices have a positive effect on others. “Don’t dumb modesty down by not caring about your appearance.” <–Agree.

  • Nikell says:

    I discovered your blog yesterday while looking at different skirts on Pinterest. I love it. I too am a modest dressed Christian. I’d never thought about the “Modest is hottest” saying the way you explained it. I totally agree!! I’ve recently started following your blog via Bloglovin’. So, I’ll be visiting from time to time (^_^)

    • Chandra says:

      Hi, Nikell! Yayyyyyy for Pinterest! Thanks for clicking and stopping by. It’s funny; I thought I was being too sensitive about the wording and almost did not press publish for this blog post. At any rate, I’m glad I did. Thank you for following my blog. I am visiting your blog right after I send this comment.

      C

  • maila says:

    I understand your point. Just like words which originally had only one meaning now have multiple meanings like ‘cool’ or ‘fat’, sexy can more than one meaning. Sometimes it can mean “hey look at me” , but it can also refer to a low key person or someone who leaves things to the imagination. So in that sense, I’m not bothered by the term “Modest is hottest” but personally I do prefer beautiful, elegant, lovely, to ‘hot’.

  • Natalie says:

    For me that video said it all.

    MOdesty doesnt mean frumpy.But it surely dont mean in your face.Once you dress with that attitude of ” look at me” “im so hot” you are going down the wrong road.Thats why the bible asks for shamefacedness and sobriety ( humility and soberness )

    That video had nothing modest about it to me.

  • Paulina says:

    Amazing post ! I saw this hot and sexy modesty trend rising lately and I thought I was the only one thinking something was wrong . I get some people at church say oh love your outfit it’s sexy I’m like this isn’t a sexy outfit there is nothing sexually attractive in it . It’s a feminine outfit . Glad to know your parents raised you just like me. I’m 26 and I wear pant pjs but always over a knee length dress or top, because my brothers are early and mid teens. And I was at a very conservative church where our pastor preached on no print leggings and no hair items and others we know go to another church (for reasons our previous pastor did something not right) and we are allowed to have these things and even though I was raised the way I was I now wear the print leggings and hair items and brooches and glitter heels but a modest as I feel . I’m glad to hear you say it’s personal not because of church family or pastor . Keep up the great work Chandra !! ( I could
    Blab on forever so I’m stopping I need to catch up on your post !

    • Chandra says:

      Thanks for blabbing! I really do appreciate your comment. My thoughts on the subject have been brewing in my mind for over a year, but I never felt that it warranted a blog post. Like I mentioned in the post I do understand that there are varying degrees of what modesty means–I have no problem with that. I know that some readers might not agree with the shoes I wear or the sequins and brooches I choose to wear. That’s fine with me. When I look at the word modesty and see how it is being associated with immodest words/terms/actions I have a problem with that. I felt compelled to express my opinions because, well, I can! Hahaha Thanks, Paulina!

  • Chandra,
    Totally agree with you on the word SEXY…I have a personal conviction on using that word…which I didn’t ALWAYS have…outside of a husban/wife relationship…buuuuuuut…I LOOOOOOVE saying HOT!!! Hot is a slang word, soooo it can pretty much of multiple meetings…to us it has always meant really good looking!!!! Soooo… Unless God gives me a personal conviction, which he just MIGHT do… I will continue saying it!!! NOt that i’m really sure I like the slogan “Modest is Hottest!” I’ve always thought it might be makin fun of modesty too…like…its hotter, temperature wise too…but I totally agree with you that modesty should NEVER be considered a sensual thing…Modest is supposed to be the opposite of sensual. I’ve seen girls dress by all the “technical” guidelines of modesty that were given to them, but they still looked worldly and immodest and might as well have been wearing pants. The video is definatley trying to lead it to sensual thing and the way those girls are dancing is definatley NOT modest!!! (Also that pic on your blog…of the VS model…ummm you never know WHO will show up….like guys and stuff…probabley not a good thing for them to see!:)
    P.S. Congrats on your engagement!!! :)

  • Chandra, do you mind if I put this discussion/ post on my blog? Great topic to consider, and discuss.

    It was nice to hear your reason for modesty, and your standards. I always love your outfits, and never even realized you never wear pants, or short sleeve tops (shorter then elbows) I didn’t even notice, I just loved the way your outfits look. (I’m interested to hear more about why you don’t wear pants (I have similuar values it seems, but I haven’t heard of only wearing skirts, I would love to hear why you choose to wear only skirts,)
    I loved hearing your opinions, and I think you did a good job not being close-minded or rude, which I appreciate. When I was younger me and all my friends would always say stuff like “modest is the hottest.” That kind-of stuff, we were young and yes we chose to be modest, but we didn’t “get it”. Now later, I am starting to really understand modesty, understand the reasoning, and the importance. I think it is hard, when we are bombarded by the media with expectations to be “sexy”, its hard to realize that is not our goal,. Even if we are wearing skirts to our knees, or whatever we consider to be modest,. We can dress the part but sometimes miss the mark completely. Someone commented on “in your face” attitude isn’t modest, I agree, and I never even really thought about that. I think It is important for you to share your views, and I think you do a great job letting others state their opinions. Its important because reading other comments, and making you stand. You learn, you think, it helps you discover your personal truths. I like a healthy discussion.
    I have struggled with modesty. I catch myself sometimes, and it’s hard at times to not get confused with how I am trying to dress. Me and my husband heard the term “sexymodest” I didn’t really think much of it, until my husband started discussing it to me. Raised the question of how the two things could really go together, “isn’t the point that you aren’t trying to be sexy.” I honestly never thought of it that way. It blew my mind. It made me step back, and realize maybe I need to re-think the way I dress and the way I think. (I have never been to the store, and I do think it is good to have more modest options available, Im sure they never considered what confusion their name could create, and maybe no one has brought it to their attention, maybe they haven’t thought it through.)
    I think its important not to judge other, and even if they are by standards, dressing modestly but not acting it, we just have to accept them and try to be an example. Because we are all learning, growing, and at different points, we just need to try to not look down on others because chances are they are doing their best.
    I think this is a great topic, and it’s great to really dig into it. Chandra, thanks for bringing this to our attention, because it is important, and it’s good to be reminded and strive to do better. I loved hearing everyone’s perspective and I hope you continue to share your views and opinion, because we love to hear it.
    –heather anderson
    @ latterdaystyleblog.blogspot.com

  • I found your post here from Caroline’s Modest Monday link-up.

    Yeah, so, I pretty much loved this:
    “I don’t think He called us to be hot. He called us to follow His Word–even when it’s not popular to do so.” Modest is the Hottest bothers me, too. Can’t havw it both ways!

    A

  • Shey says:

    Great post Chandra, I could not agree more, I never understood where people came from when they said modest is hottest. I love your layout. =)

  • Cassi says:

    There’s a saying that goes something like this: “Look for a man who calls you beautiful, not sexy.” I’m a married woman, but, theoretically, if I were looking for a man, and modest dressing was (it is, actually) part of how I live my life, it’s because I want a man to love ME, not my body. “Hot” implies physical attractiveness, and while I believe there’s nothing wrong with being attractive , we should seek to attract with our heart, not our bodies. That way the man you attract will love you long after physical beauty is nothing but a memory! :)

  • Sarah says:

    Oh wow. So many thoughts – first, the video: The only things “modest” in that video were the sweatshirts worn by some of the girls. :) I am not a fan, obviously.
    I hold to the standards you have mentioned (and also attend a UPC church). By my OWN choice. And my husband’s preference. ;)
    Sexy describes something aimed at appealing to a sexual desire. It is designed to draw out those physical thoughts and feelings.
    Modest, on the other hand, is just the opposite. It is about covering yourself, hiding, in a sense, those things that are not for public consumption.
    I fail to see how the two ideas can co-exist. I think the intention may be good, but honestly, if we want to encourage women to dress modestly, do we think stamping a label of SEXY on it is going to somehow make it more appealing? I chose modesty because I do NOT want to look sexy. Looking sexy is reserved for my husband. Not anyone else. And I really don’t care what anyone else thinks. I will dress modest for my husband and my God, not to please some random fashion guru’s sense of style. I also do not feel that it is my responsibility to persuade other women to dress modestly. Either you want to, or you don’t. And calling it SEXY isn’t going to change that.
    LOVE your blog, girl!

  • Chandra, thanks again for this post. I love your point of view. I posted about this topic, and was reading on the post about this on the blind hem, and was talking about how she should read your post, and then saw you were already one there discussing it. You are awesome, thanks for sharing! I link to you, and quoted you some, check it out if you get a chance,

    http://latterdaystyleblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/should-modest-really-be-hottest.html

    –heather anderson @ latterdaystyleblog.blogspot.com

  • Bonnie Way says:

    Interesting thoughts. I used to wear skirts all the time, just because my mom decided that we should be more feminine. I liked my skirts. I know others who wear skirts for religious reasons and I`ve seen some very beautiful women wear VERY nice modest clothes. So I`d say that yes, modest can be hottest, because I don`t think “hot” just has to be about how much skin is showing or not showing. Sometimes revealing too much is NOT hot, just revealing.

  • maggie says:

    Hey! Great post! I stumbled on this website and it was interesting to check out your posts and to read this article. I actually just wrote a blog post on modesty and fashion as well! I recently just started fashion blogging after cutting off my dreadlocks and wanting a creative avenue to share my faith and style. Please check it out! I would love to follow you via blogger. Do you have that? http://luniquelymaggie.blogspot.de/p/about-me.html Take care, and so good to meet you on here!
    Maggie

  • Beverly says:

    Whoa! Such a great post :) I’ve never thought of “Modest is Hottest” as being an incorrect saying before, but now (after reading this post and all the comments here) I think I agree with you on this.

    Haha, and that video was pretty weird. I don’t think I’d shop there…

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  • India says:

    I think a girl who dresses more modestly is prettier! Guys have a lot more respect for you! Thank you for posting this! I love it! By the way, I’m 16 years old! :) God Bless!

  • Katie says:

    When guys use the terminology “hot,” it means the girl is good-looking. Not that she’s dressing in slutty clothing. A hot girl can be hot in a burka or a bikini. It’s genetics. I would know, because i had to dress in a long uniform for school and still had guys asking me to have sex with them on almost a daily basis. And as a virgin, there wasn’t a reason why these guys would think I was easy. I’m talking floor length skirts and long sweaters. Not the little short catholic girl outfits. Hot means good-looking and nothing more.

  • Bethany Crosby says:

    I think that its good they are promoting modesty…don’t get me wrong this worlds going down hill fast…but don’t put people who are actually trying to promote modesty down! I was raised Apostolic Pentecostal my whole life….long hair long dresses’ no jewelry, no make up (which is now my decision to live like this) and every guy I know has called other apostolic girls hot…I’ve called apostolic guys hot! In my oponion modest is the hottest!:-) :-) :-) :-)

  • Allena says:

    I think that modest is hot, but not in the way these sites make it out to be. As a woman married 20 years, who is a convert to this dressing style my husband finds it intensely sexy when I am dressed very attractive, but very modest. We are traditional Latin Mass Catholics and our standards are pretty strict too, strict enough that finding clothes is very hard.

    But i think that today men are very drawn to modestly dressed women because they have an absolute NEED for it. A woman can look at immodest item of clothing and say to herself “that’s so cute” (it ften is!) but a man looks at it and knows exactly where every single mans mind will take them upon seeing that on a woman.

    So while modesty is NOT sexy as in lust provoking…but the exact opposite, I think that men have a very strong reaction to modest dress…a very appropriate and very holy response to women that could be called hot in that they are instantly aware and wanting something…but it’s not sex, its a deep primal call to their proper role in a woman’s life.

    Just like women have been degraded by the increased amount of immodesty, men are absolutely STARVED for a feminine looking woman. Starved to open a door, pick up a heavy item, change a tire. They are starved to protect, shelter and nurture a woman because our society has eliminated these as sexist and obscene. It’s so very very sad, men are the victims of feminism and slaves to the highly sexuality society we live in. Especially considering that many many men and women, just honestly don’t know any better. Also, so very sad.

    So many good men walk around with very intense needs they do not understand – they see scantily clad women and of course their mind turns sexual – one form of sexy or hot which i take to mean intensely desirable in a purely sexual way. When they see an attractive modestly dressed woman they are intensely drawn to their natural, biblical role.

    That sexual urge and that urge to their natural role are imo equally strong, and both completely sexy/attractive/ desirable. I guess I just don’t see sexy – trampy. I know that my husband for one woulf far rather see me in a more modest attire, even in the bedroom, then in that racy picture up above…because he connects a snug teeshirt and nice panties for example with a pure and willing wife, and the items like up there with trashy whores….both are sexy, but one is degrading and one is another form of sexy.

    I don’t know if anything i say makes sense but thats how i see it. I really enjoyed the post and I totally understand what was said, and even agree with it. Modestly dressed women are not sexy in the way that immodest women are. I guess it just depends on the context of the word and how you want to interpret it.

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