Letting myself be brutally honest with you all this morning.
Honesty is a sort of elixir. Its properties are a mystery, because it can do what no other medicine can for the mind and soul.
Heal. Reveal. Release.
God has been dealing with me about myself. At first, I pushed it off, not wanting to admit what I knew to be true, but He wouldn’t stop his gentle nudging. Then, over the weekend, two different women who I had never met before, on two separate days said to me, “as soon as you accept it, learn your lesson, you’ll move on.” Floored. Completely floored. God used two STRANGERS to speak to me. To me…to little ol’ me.
I’m scared, truth be told. But I know I’m moving into the next phase of my life where letting go is the only way to pass through this. There is a door open ahead and with everything I’m holding on to, I can NOT fit through. Why I insisted on carrying this baggage for all these months, I’ll never know. It’s almost like it was too hard to release myself from them. They became a part of me. My situation was a sad one, but I didn’t need to hold on to all of the hurt, anger and disappointment for so long. What did I miss out on these past months? I can’t bear to think.
Suddenly, the bible verse about the truth setting me “free” became completely clear to me. Once I realized admitted that I was holding on (to said feeling) for longer than necessary and I started to release myself from it — I felt liberated. I did. I admitted to the truth and as a direct result I was set free.
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32
“Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.” John 8:34
And here is a cross-reference verse which makes total sense for my particular situation. I offered myself to my feelings and became a slave to them. *shudder*
“Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey–whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?” — Romans 6:16
I spoke to an elder in my life and she wisely told me that for a while I was grieving. It was SO right on. All of the emotions I was experiencing after what happened fell right in line with the grieving process:
Denial or numbness
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance or resignation
I went through EACH of those stages these 5 months. I am now on my last stage of mourning that time in my life. I am now in the processes of being set free, letting go and getting my life back in together. It’s natural to grieve, so I’m not apologizing for that, but what I am seeing is that I let it go on for far too long before handing it over to the Master. I’m so, so sorry God. Here I am, once again, thank you for your unending grace and mercy.
So, I’d like to encourage someone today who may be in the grieving process, mourning the loss of something precious in their life, please, grieve, it’s natural, but don’t become consumed like I did. Allow God to move in and become your balm of Gillead. He is the true healer. He is the freedom giver. And knowing the truth will ABSOLUTELY set.you.free.
